The Solution: Create a 2 page flyer of suggestions on what to do when a Chelsea resident has passed away, with the goal of making it available to relatives at neighborhood funeral homes, houses of worship and through other avenues.
Currently it is running 3 1/2 pages, I want to get the essence of it down to a 2 pages so that it can be handed to friends family and neighbors as a single sheet. I'd appreciate the help of the Chelsea community in doing so.
IMPORTANT NOTE: What follows is a draft version, that is being posted for discussion only , please DO NOT use or distribute You comments and suggestions can be posted here.
A Guide to Death and Dying in Chelsea
DEATH
I live in Penn South, a naturally occurring retirement community, which means I see a lot of my older neighbors pass away. Often I will find a neighbor that I am friendly with has passed away months after the fact because the family of the person who passed away had no idea that it would be important to put up a death notice in the building I live in. If I knew that there would be some type of service I would go but as I said if the family doesn't put up a notice, then there's no way for me to know. So I thought maybe it would be a good idea to create a little guide to death and dying in Chelsea, that would be useful not only for Penn South residents but also for other Chelsea residents.What follows are suggestions not mandates, take what you like and leave the rest.
FOR NEIGHBORS AND FRIENDS
-- if you see a relative at the apartment while the police are blocking the apartment,it would be a nice gesture to offer them the use of your restroom. Another option is that any Restaurant restroom will be available as long as you buy even a Coke.
What should be said at a funeral to a grieving person?
“What should be said at a funeral to a grieving person? Nobody wants it to look like they are speaking canned and insincere comments. The grievers should not be avoided. A genuine concern for what has happened to them should be shown. Prescribing behavior should be avoided. It's okay to say, "____'s death made me feel very sad.", "How are you coping?", "This must be very hard on you.", or "How are you holding up?" If, "May I do anything for you?" is said it should be connected with concrete suggestions or actions! Talking about the reasons why you decided to attend the funeral, and referring to personal memories of the good times you have had with the deceased are extremely helpful. Grievers do not want their loved ones forgotten!” http://tinyurl.com/ChelseaWhatTosay
FOR RELATIVES
-Place a notice of your relatives passing in the building in which they lived. Rather than having the full name of the person who has passed away, it might be a better idea to have a first name, a picture of them, and notice of where the service will be held. I say do not include the full name, because while discussing the subject with the folks who run Reddens Funeral Home, on 14th St. I was informed that posting a notice with address and name could be an invitation to getting robbed. (if you are uncomfortable with any name, just a picture will get the message across, to the people who knew your family member.)
- if the person who passed away was a veteran that they may be eligible for burial and headstone benefits. Call the VA benefits of office at 800 -- 827-1000 or the New York State division of Veterans Affairs at 888 -- 8 38 -- 7697 for more information. http://www.nysfda.org/veteran.htm
-- an important number for families of veterans to know about is the one from bereavement counseling for veterans at 202 -- 461 -- 6530
-- rooms are available at the Hudson Guild at both the Elliott Chelsea on 26 St and the Fulton houses on 19th St for memorial services-Rooms at the Hudson Guild are free for members of the Senior Center, and at a modest cost for others.contact Yehudit Moch at 212.760.9800 for details.
--On http://seniorschelsea.com there is a link to add your farewell notice to a list that already had been put up. you will see here samples of what some of your Chelsea neighbors have done for their family members.
--if the person who passed away was a senior, then notices should be left at the senior centers of Chelsea , these are:
Elliott Chelsea NORC 441 West 26Th St , NY 10001 (212) -760-9800
Penn South Center for Seniors: 290 9th Ave, NY 10001 212-243-3670
Fulton Houses Senior Center: 119 9th Ave, NY 212 760 9800
-- some families throw apartment sales after a passing, the usual way people learn about this is by posting notices.
Bereavement counselling groups in NYC:
FOR FRIENDS and FAMILY
“How long does grief last? A simple formula is a general guideline. For each year you have known the deceased closely you can expect to have about 1 week of intense grief. The intensity is determined, in part, by the closeness of the relationship. You can expect about one month per year of a close relationship for the grief to taper off.” - http://tinyurl.com/GriefHowLongFOR COMMUNITY LEADERS
-- if when the police are involved could they be asked to inform familes that http://SeniorsChelsea.com had some of the guidance they may need
--Due to Privacy laws building managements can not post death notices. However at the time of passing it would be great if management of the buildings we live in would pass a copy of this page to families. Until this happens in your building it is important as former neighbors that we take upon ourselves the courtesy to do the function of passing on this information onto families.
Grief Counseling Resource Guide. New York State Office of Mental Health http://www.omh.state.ny.us/omhweb/grief/GriefCounselingResourceGuide.pdf
RITUALS
In the Jewish religion the Shiva call is a ritual that helps family, friends and neighbors to deal with the loss of a person. Different religions have their own rituals, but I'm of the opinion that each comes from the same underlying place. To create a container that allows family, friends and neighbors to deal with a loss. RESOURCES
Seniors Chelsea: Resource guide for Chelsea seniors http://seniorschelsea.com
Redden Funeral Home 325 West 14th Street New York City, NY 10014 "Since 1919, Redden Funeral Home has operated under just one name, with just one funeral business license. Every family can be assured of the same service, the same prices and the same high standard of care" A Guide to Burial Assistance for New Yorkers in Need http://www.nycremation.com/pdf/Indigent_burial.pdf
Hebrew Free Burial Association "The Hebrew Free Burial Association (HFBA) devotes its resources to performing chesed shel emet (the ultimate act of lovingkindness- for the deceased who are unable to repay the kindness). It is the only agency in the greater New York metropolitan area dedicated to assuring that every Jew, regardless of financial means or religious affiliation, receives a dignified, traditional Jewish funeral and burial." http://hebrewfreeburial.org/
US Government website on End of Life issues; http://www.usa.gov/Topics/Seniors/EndofLife.shtml
Caring for a person in the late stages of life
Lifeline Medical Alert: " Lifeline with AutoAlert can call for help even if you can't". http://Philips.LifelineSystems.com
One of my neighbors had a great deal of trouble walking, normally she talked to her daughter just once a day, A day came when her daughter did not hear from her, The daughter came to her apartment and found mom unconscious on the floor. Her mom then spent the next several months trying to recover from this, she never did and passed on. Several other of my neighbors were found dead in their apartments by the police days after they passed away. Would having a life alert pendant have saved any of these people, I don't know. I do know that I've gotten one for my mother. There are other brands, some of which try to lock you in to long term contracts, I would stay away from these. Penn South PSHOPS offers a discounted one to its members, contact PS HOPS for details at http://norcservices.org/index.php?method=main.history
MemberoftheFamily.net: U.S. Nursing Home Information Registry ...
"The comprehensive source for unbiased nursing home ratings and national nursing home watch list for use by health care professionals and family members." http://memberofthefamily.net
My mom was recently in a nursing home for rehabilitation, it was a horror story, Probably the worst thing that happened was at one point they gave her somebody else's medication. At the time we chose a nursing home for my mother we had no idea how bad some of them could be. Using http://memberofthefamily.net, it is possible to at least to disgard the worst offenders from consideration.
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